What Makes You a Man
September 3, 2024
Hi! I'm new here, nice to meet you all! My name's requiems-harvest, I'm an amateur artist on deviantART (here's my profile).
My work centers on boys and the experiences of boyhood, and what it means to be a boy. I found Niklas through searching for comics about boyhood and ended up here. I wanted to talk about an alternative approach to Niklas that I'm not so sure has been discussed - (maybe it has, I don't know)! 🤔 What I really love about the story is that it's a comic that discusses that "special feeling" of being with someone or some people who make you feel loved. When you can just open up with someone and be your natural self and they're just as comfortable to be themselves around you. You give you're entire being to them and they give their entire self to you - it's an absolutely wonderful feeling that nowadays feels so rare in a world of faraway friendships and relationships that are superficial. Now the obvious subtext of the Niklas narrative is about gay relationships and/or homoeroticism (Keith and Fabian, Jason and Jonathon, etc.). But what if this feeling I'm describing isn't just applicable to gay romances?
Hear me out for a second. For the past couple of years I've read a great deal of literature from historians, anthropologists, and sociologists who've studied the human need for intimacy, and I made sure to examine this topic from a wide variety of perspectives. Let me use Summer Storm as an example of what I'm talking about. We see the playful Martin invite the lonely Keith into his personal space, asking him to play. Keith, who was initially isolated and alone, now has someone who wants to share their internal space with him. However, Keith reciprocates Martin's play by letting him onto his bike and bringing him to the old farm house where they wrestle and play. This wrestling between the two boys is a beautiful invitation for intimacy, a special type of boyhood ritual that Martin and Keith are comfortable engaging in as wrestling is a type of play that comes natural to boys. This activity better lets them understand each other, their boundaries, and how much they trust each other using the language of the body. With each playful thrust, throw, and toss (that is then associated with the boys' joyful laughter), they are no longer separated, but "joined at the hip." This is a subtle language of the flesh that says: "I trust you with my body," without having to say a word. The Japanese have the term "skinship" to refer to this dynamic, where the act of being "skin-to-skin" with someone demonstrates their level of trust and vulnerability with another person.
This goes deeper when Martin has them go to his house to escape the rain. His mother has them undress and take a bath together. Again, going back to the Japanese, now we see hadaka no tsukiai (裸の付き合い) or "naked association" in the family bathtub between Martin and his new friend Keith. Both boys have already demonstrated that they're totally comfortable with rough play in clothes, so to be fully undressed, totally naked with someone else requires a very special bond. Although I can't speak for the author, I believe "male vulnerability" comes absolutely natural for boys as they're not hard-pressed to be a "real man" or to conform to particular gender norms until they reach adulthood. One might bring up that there is a sense of embarrassment or unease when Martin and Keith first see each other naked and step into the bath tub, but that shame quickly vanishes because of the pure innocence and essence of boyhood, with the two boys silently acknowledging that they're in the same bath water, that they have the same skin, that they have the same penis, and that to engage in play means for them to share in each other's bodies. We see another brief example of this in Keith, Come Home where the Martin slips into Keith's big sleeping bag, with Keith asking: "Isn't this a lot more comfortable than being all alone in your bed?" I could link to various studies done of this particular topic, but we have enough data to explain why kids have nightmares or are afraid of monsters under their bed. Basic evolutionary psychology tells us that children naturally desire the warmth and protection of their family (usually their mothers) in order to sleep well - and to deprive children (and in particular, our boys) of that is to cause them unnecessary suffering (if you want to do further research just read some work on the Harlow rhesus monkey experiment). Keith makes the right choice to offer his body - his bare chest - as a source of comfort for the scared young Martin. If both boys were comfortable bathing naked together, I believe they could have been able to share the sleeping bag naked together as an expression of their friendship and intimacy.
With all this said, my one criticism as a straight, celibate male is that - although some of the moments in the Niklas narrative are very sweet, I feel that it categorizes all expressions of love into "eros." Put simply, I am not of the belief that just because a boy prefers the company of other boys, that that then means he is gay or has homoerotic feelings. My goal as a boy artist and writer is to demonstrate "boy love" as a form of mutual affection that is natural to all boys. I've talked with other boy artists that share similar sentiments to mine, and they want boys to be able to hold hands, to kiss, to be naked together without any implication of romantic tension. Initially I thought this was a problem just in fiction but it became clear to me that this was a much broader, societal issue that should be talked about at length. I could write much more right now, but I understand this post is pretty long for a first post, so I'll stop myself short. Please, let me know what you guys think! I would love to hear from you! 🤗
I recently read the book Impossibly Cute Boys by the brilliant author Karl Andersson about his look into Japan's culture of BL and shota. Like you said, Japan has no belief in sexual orientation... All humans are assumed pansexual depending and liking shota, same sex, etc isn't an identity. They are also much better at separating fantasy from reality... Just look at the hate someone can get for favoriting art of a young boy.
I grew up in the US so I thought I had to choose an orientation and stick with it and it's your identity. While Japan government has a ways to go for LGBTQ rights, I believe they are actually more progressive about it than the US.
Thanks for your insightful post. I hope to see your works on here. Once I figure out how. I want to add an 18+ section for artworks or the adult nature.
All humans are assumed pansexual depending and liking shota, same sex, etc isn't an identity. They are also much better at separating fantasy from reality... Just look at the hate someone can get for favoriting art of a young boy.
I probably won't agree with the idea that all humans are pansexual (sure, sexuality can be "fluid," but for most people it's not). But I do think there should be distinctions between fantasy and reality. And yes, the amount of hate someone can get for drawing or enjoying boy art is ridiculous. I get the concern on some peoples' part, absolutely. But on the other hand, we've been painting nude boys in natural settings and using nude boys as cultural icons for centuries. I'm not going to "cancel" someone just because they want to make their own version of Mowgli or an updated version of Tom Sawyer. Maybe they just enjoy academic nude painting and love the beauty of the youthful body - why should I be mad? I would agree with him that "liking shotacon" or being same-sex should not be seen as an identity. The art I make is just something I enjoy and think about, but it's not the basis of my person - if that makes sense.
Wow .. you are skilled at capturing boy beauty.
Thank you! I have plenty of ideas I want to draw but I just need the time to actually draw them, haha. 🤣
I have plenty of ideas
And just in case you'd be short on them, I may have some more 😀
@lyel Haha, I'd love to see what ideas you have! I'd love to illustrate a book one day or make something of my own once I get good enough. 🙂
Great work! I'd love to post my own illustrated stories as well. (Apparently you need a certain amount of posting karma before you can attach jpegs to posts, however? Please let me know what the requirements are!)
@sylverwand Try a direct drag&drop from a pic to the bottom of your text. Targeting can be a bit tricky, but I posted pics as soon as being registered here. Ok… I was promoted Moderator "on sight"…
Back to the actual subject of your post…
>My goal as a boy artist and writer is to demonstrate "boy love" as a form of mutual affection that is natural to all boys.
The closest I can see to this, in real life, is having a "friend" with whom sharing time, games and whatever entertainment boys have. The most natural activity for boys is exploring, provided they have some place for this, like a wood, a countryside or anywhere WITHOUT anybody else -and of course no real threat.
Usually no affection is shown, just the pleasure to be together and share activities. Is this mutual affection? Maybe this is the closest boys can come.
Oh yeah, guess we should DEFINE "boys"… I believe the upper limit is puberty… by then (and sometimes even before) the mind is bent towards reproduction, which has been hard-coded by evolution into all living being since the two genders evolved.
>I've talked with other boy artists that share similar sentiments to mine, and they want boys to be able to hold hands, to kiss, to be naked together without any implication of romantic tension.
Why not, but the problem is the civilisation and its "rules" which associates holding hands and kissing with non-masculine behaviour. Girlies can do it without (much) being reproved. Boys… not publicly…
Being naked together is allowed (well… was) in "normal" circumstances as bathing, washing, etc.
There is ONE context where boys are allowed more, naturism. Boys are naked all the time, and don't care a cent for it, though they KNOW what nudity can head to. Well, they may care, actually, being happy or even proud of it. This way of life is actually MUCH more normal than the "textile" society. Boys will play naked together, even with friendly adults, and actually they are happy to be with friendly adults as they can ASK questions and get answers…
Well, that was a lot of "thinking" for me… no idea if you can make something of it. I may go on later 🙂
The closest I can see to this, in real life, is having a "friend" with whom sharing time, games and whatever entertainment boys have. The most natural activity for boys is exploring, provided they have some place for this, like a wood, a countryside or anywhere WITHOUT anybody else -and of course no real threat.
Usually no affection is shown, just the pleasure to be together and share activities. Is this mutual affection? Maybe this is the closest boys can come.
Yes, this is a good representation. It's not an academic term, but lately I've been using the term "boyhood rituals" to describe particular activities that what comes natural to boys. Exploring and having a sense of curiosity, rough-play or play fighting, having fun through games and competition, etc. I would say so long as boys are engaging in these activities - not out of any obligation - but because they are friends and want to spend time together - that that is a beautiful sign of affection. The way I see it, most people see a hug or a kiss as affection because it most closely resembles what we consider affectionate behavior. But if you have two boys playfully wrestling around in the mud, taking each other's clothes off, laughing and having a good time - this is a very special type of affection expressed through the body and through the natural behavior of boys. I'm also glad you brought up the importance of boys being alone, since parents and girls often regulate the "boyish" behavior, which can limit what boys do on their own.
Why not, but the problem is the civilisation and its "rules" which associates holding hands and kissing with non-masculine behaviour. Girlies can do it without (much) being reproved. Boys… not publicly…
Being naked together is allowed (well… was) in "normal" circumstances as bathing, washing, etc.
There is ONE context where boys are allowed more, naturism. Boys are naked all the time, and don't care a cent for it, though they KNOW what nudity can head to. Well, they may care, actually, being happy or even proud of it. This way of life is actually MUCH more normal than the "textile" society.
Agreed! Going back to your definition of "boy," I think it's important to understand why these spaces where boys can naturally be themselves are disappearing. You mentioned how during post-puberty the mind is bent towards reproduction, which is normal. What is not normal is my country's (the United States) obsession with sex and relationships - forcing post-pubescents to reach adulthood fast. I see this in "gym culture" or "bro culture" which culminates an attitude of relentless individualism. The "bro" in the gym does not see his brothers or other men as his allies, rather, he sees them as competition for resources, enemies trying to steal his place in the social hierarchy and sexual market. We're forcing this attitude on our boys, our boys are learning to not see other boys as extensions of themselves, thus, they become less empathetic, more self-aware, more afraid and anxious and less likely to develop strong friendships.
For boys to be able to kiss, hold hands, and be naked together in a space such as a bathtub or bed requires a degree of freedom, trust, and love for each other. You can't trust someone else with your body if you don't even trust yourself with your own body. How can a boy experience the pleasure of sharing a bath with his friend if he's been taught to be ashamed of his own body? If instead he was taught to trust his body and to have love for himself as he naturally is - then will he be able to express himself genuinely with the boys that he loves. On the plus side, at a young age most boys recognize that they have the same body when they see each other in the nude. This draws them closer to each other and creates a feeling of being one with the other. "Your body is my body." Part of the reason boys naturally become friends so fast is their sameness; their sameness in appearance, in personality, in the body - it's evolution's way of telling a boy that they can trust that other boy because they're identical. If we cultivated a culture where boys saw each other as brothers and thus saw each other as extensions of themselves, there would be no shame in holding hands, to greet with a kiss or share the same bed. This means we have to confront what is considered "masculine" behavior and ask ourselves: Are we being fair to our boys by depriving them of intimacy? Are we doing our boys any good by shaming them to conform to social constructs of what makes someone a "real man"?
Please continue Lyel if you have any more thoughts, I love thinking about this topic and could devote a whole book to it. 😊
Hi, my name is Niklas. I’m the one to the left with the blond hair and those goofy freckles. I’ll tell you in some cartoons and stories what happened after I told my best friends the truth. You should know, I love my friends, really! And guess what some of them, like Fabian and Jason, love me too! I always thought they’d say I’m weird, well, maybe we’re all weird.